When symptoms of dementia begin to appear, family members often feel as though their once-kind parents have become completely different people, or they may become frustrated by being asked the same questions over and over again—all of which tends to wear them down to their limits.
Why don't you understand?
I just said that a moment ago...
The fact that you feel that way is proof that you care deeply about your parents. But please keep this one thing in mind.There is always a “reason of their own” behind the words and actions of people with dementia.In the third installment of this series, I’ll share some “mental strategies” for dementia care that can help ease your family’s burden just a little.
1. The courage not to try to make others understand
What causes families the most distress when caring for someone with dementia is the effort to “convey the right information and ensure it is understood.” However, as dementia progresses, the very mechanisms of memory change.
- Reasoned Arguments Backfire
Even if you point out the fact by saying, “You just ate,” in their mind, “I haven’t eaten yet” is the truth. When they feel they’re being contradicted, it triggers intense anxiety, fear, or anger, leading to aggressive behavior. - "Match" is the correct answer
Even if it doesn’t match the facts, start by acknowledging their emotions and needs—saying things like, “That’s right,” or “You must be hungry.” Just doing this will calm their anxiety remarkably.
2. “Problem behaviors” are a sign of distress
"Asking the same question over and over," "getting angry easily," "having more accidents in the bathroom"… These aren't behaviors meant to cause you trouble. Behind them lie signs like these.
- A sign that they "want to feel secure"/ I ask the same thing over and over because I’m so anxious. By repeating it, I’m trying to reaffirm my own world.
- Signs That You're "Not Getting Your Point Across"/ Becoming easily angered often stems from the frustration of not being able to find the right words or the anxiety that one is being rejected.
"What are they trying to say?" "What are they worried about?"Just by taking a step back and observing the situation from a different perspective, your frustration will gradually ease.
3. Working with Healthcare Professionals to Identify the "Cause"
What I thought were symptoms of dementia turned out to be..."Other Physical Ailments"This is often the cause.
- When Pain Is Hidden/ Discomfort such as a toothache or severe constipation can sometimes worsen symptoms and lead to agitated behavior.
- Side Effects of Medications/If you are taking multiple medications, there are cases where the combination of those medications can affect the brain.
That’s exactly when it’s time to turn to your “primary care physician” or a “memory clinic.” Having a medical checkup to rule out any physical issues might help answer the “why” behind your current caregiving challenges.
4. If you collapse, it will all be for nothing.
Respecting the person’s preferences while skillfully defusing their anxiety—that’s a professional technique. Don’t keep it to yourself; please reach out for help.
What's important in dementia care is,"The Caregiver's Own Emotional Well-Being"Please don't try to handle this all on your own as a family.
- Take some time to give each other some space/ By using a facility to create some physical distance, both the individual and their family can regain their composure.
- Having Someone to Talk To/ Talk to your care manager or a local dementia counseling service about your current concerns. Just talking about it can make you feel a lot better, and they’ll work with you to find a solution.
There is no “right answer” when it comes to caring for people with dementia. An approach that worked yesterday might not work today.That's fine.If you find yourself thinking, “I got a little angry today,” take a moment to reflect, and tomorrow, try taking a deep breath before interacting with others. That cycle is enough. We are fully committed to supporting you in living a “life without pushing yourself too hard,” leveraging the power of healthcare and social services. If you ever feel that “it’s been getting a little harder to cope lately,” please don’t hesitate to reach out to us at any time.
＼ Please feel free to contact us if you have any problems ／.
Medical Corporation Daiseikai, Uchida Hospital, Community Healthcare Coordination Office
(TEL) 0278-24-5329
Uchida Home Care Office
(TEL) 0278-23-7535
