"She used to be so easygoing, but lately she doesn't respond to anything I say."
"He gets angry over the slightest thing and shuts himself in his room."
Many parents feel bewildered by the changes their children go through during adolescence. Even children who have grown up freely in nature cannot avoid the mental and physical changes unique to their teenage years.
There are a few “tips” for dealing with your children during this time. Today, we’ll look at how to understand the characteristics of adolescence and work together as a family to get through this phase.Communication TipsI’ll tell you about that.
1. Why do they suddenly “become like a different person”?
Adolescent behavior is a desperate process through which your child is trying to become “psychologically independent” from you.
- Brain Update Period
During adolescence, the part of the brain responsible for emotions becomes hypersensitive, while the part responsible for rational thinking has not yet fully developed. As a result, adolescents often struggle to control their emotions and become easily frustrated. - Searching for the contours of “myself”
They feel uncomfortable sharing their parents' values and are desperately trying to establish their own sense of self. As a result, they may voice opinions that contradict their parents' or try to distance themselves from them.
Rebellion at this stage is also a declaration to oneself: “I’m not a child anymore.”
2. “Three Levels of Distance” to Avoid Strained Parent-Child Relationships
When dealing with children going through puberty, there’s a certain “distance” you should be mindful of.
- From “Interference” to “Support”
Up until now, asking, “Did you do your homework?” was a sign of love, but once your child enters adolescence, it’s time to let go a little. Accept that failures are part of the learning process, and have the courage to watch over them, trusting that “if anything happens, they’ll ask for help.” - Focus on “empathy” rather than “solutions”
What children at this age are looking for isn’t the “right answer,” but the reassurance that comes from having someone “listen to them.” It’s enough simply to acknowledge their feelings as they are, by saying things like, “That must have been hard,” or “So that’s how you felt.” - Connecting Through “Nonverbal” Means Beyond Words
Making their favorite dishes for dinner, saying “Have a good day” in the morning—these little signs that show you care are getting through to them. Your consistent, warm attitude will become your child’s “emotional safe haven.”
3. For Children with Developmental Differences
For children with developmental differences, the challenges of adolescence can be even more complex. If they have difficulty expressing themselves verbally, “non-face-to-face communication”—such as letters or messages on social media—can sometimes be effective.
In addition, there are cases where the individual is suffering due to becoming more particular or experiencing sensory sensitivities. Rather than simply labeling this as the “rebellious phase,” it is important to work in collaboration with specialized agencies and support professionals,"What is the person struggling with?"It’s also important to maintain a calm, objective perspective.
4. Don't try to handle everything on your own—ask a professional for help.
Raising teenagers is a constant test of patience for parents. Even if there are moments when you feel like giving up and want to distance yourself, there’s absolutely no shame in that. At Kuni-kai, which we operate, we provide support tailored to the individual needs of each teenager through programs such as after-school day services.
- Leveraging a Third-Party Perspective
Situations that might become emotional between parent and child can sometimes make it easier for the child to speak their mind when a “third party”—such as a professional staff member—is present. - A Break for the Family
Even just venting their daily frustrations and anxieties at the counseling support desk can give parents some peace of mind.
5. Let’s use this time as an opportunity for mutual growth
Adolescence is a crucial transitional period during which parents and children rebuild their relationship, shifting from “parent and child” to “adult and adult.” While conflicts are common, they happen precisely because this is a space where your child trusts you and feels comfortable being themselves. Once the storm has passed, a new parent-child relationship awaits.
As a partner supporting your child’s growth in the Numata and Tone regions, we’re here to support not only your children but also all the parents who are working hard to raise them.
＼We welcome even the smallest inquiries!／
It’s perfectly fine to start with small concerns, like, “Lately, things have been like this at home…” Why don’t we look for some tips together to help us get through this time?
- Information on After-School Day Services Tailored to Your Child’s Individual Needs
- A Resource for Parents Seeking Counseling and Support, or Just a Break
- Tours, Hands-On Experiences, and Consultations (All Free)
Whether you're a child or a parent, we're here for you.
▶ Click here for the Kuni-kai Consultation Support Desk and After-School Day Services
